I Only Want to Get Married Once: The 10 Essential Questions for Getting It Right the First Time is an audio book by Chana Levitan, who is a therapist and public speaker. Drawing from years of experiences counseling real couples, she has compiled a 10 question checklist to try to ferret out any potential issues with the relationship. First building a foundation of goals, values, and interests, many guidelines are explained including differences between how a man and woman grew up and other factors in their lives. The two parties need to be open with each other emotionally, and they need to get past the infatuation stage which can last for a few years. Once they begin to learn about each other’s faults and even their merely annoying points, love needs to be seen as a verb, an activity, “a power of the soul” (Erich Fromm). It’s a choice and choosing a mate who has similar values and goals can carry a relationship through inevitable hard times and misunderstandings. In fact, a couple who never argues is even in danger because they don’t open up to each other emotionally. Their relationship becomes shallow, or rather never becomes deep enough to be called love.
This information resonates with me as I have not always chosen consciously. Now in a happy marriage, I have nevertheless learned some things that I believe will make it even better. So I would recommend I Only Want to Get Married Once by Chana Levitan for anyone who is looking for a relationship, or is already in one or is married. It will help you to discuss values and goals if you have not already, thereby getting to know each other even better.